Whew! Just finished and got through chapter 35 of MGP with the edits needed. These are full edits to fix the absolute LITANY of issues. So many plot holes are being solved. So many issues fixed. This would all not be possible without Dave so toss a thank you his way for helping me so much finding all these.
One thing I really want everyone looking out for are weird URLs. I fixed a ton that went bonkers on me and I’m worried thhere is something on the back end that is causing them to happen. I hope it’s not the case because, if it is, then we have more issues than just bad links. But everything through chapter 35 should be good to go.
Welp, I’m off to work. Stay safe out there!
Taralynn
The link to Chapter 29 on the “stories” page is still broken. All of the others for chapters 1-35 work.
The forward and back arrows at the bottom of Chapter 23 currently link to Chapters 23 and 21, respectively.
I decided to take some of the load off of Dave scrutinizing every single chapter for errors (you’re a hero for doing that the one time already) by chucking the first 35 chapters into a text comparison tool and seeing exactly what was changed. I’ve got a list of new or missed errors I can post here or just send to you. I didn’t do a very thorough inspection of unchanged text beyond what caught my eye or what I remember, though, so some things might’ve slipped through the cracks.
Chapter 1:
⦁ “hosed dog”
⦁ “from from”
⦁ “rushed over tried dragging Cory to his feet”
⦁ “ProbaThey”
⦁ Polygal is now said to have a modulated voice “as if her mouth was a speaker”, but earlier it’s said that her voice was perfectly clear in contrast to the arcade cabinet’s low quality speakers (“The blue woman’s . . . perfect and authentic”).
⦁ You removed that Polygal says Robert is radiating “Ardent Resonance”, but Rob and friends still talk about the term in Ch. 2.
Chapter 2:
⦁ The trio’s conversation about Ardent Resonance (“and Polygal said . . . so what is it?”) makes no sense following your removal of the term in Ch. 1, and they still use the Polygal quote from the original version. The term “Ardent Radiance” is also used here, presumably due to a typo.
Chapter 3:
⦁ “She sported worn but stylish shoulder bag” (missing “a”)
Chapter 5:
⦁ Robert’s research into each Spirit Guard’s first appearance in Ch. 5 (“I did some research . . . a ridiculous situation”) doesn’t match Angela’s accounts in Ch. 16 (“first time Kara . . . treatment there was”) and 29 (“What did Mallory . . . thought of the aura”). The discrepancy could remain if a Spirit Guard’s first battle is not necessarily their first sighting by the people, but currently this is not firmly established.
Chapter 6:
⦁ “SAUSBA” (SAU Student Body Association) instead of “SAUSA” (SAU Student Association).
Chapter 8:
⦁ “. . . his argument about training was getting weaker he needed to change topics.” (missing punctuation between “weaker” and “he”)
Chapter 9:
⦁ One instance of “Elijah” in narration remains: “Elijah scratched at his eyes”
Chapter 10:
⦁ Ms. Kuna’s explanation of the Spirit Stick’s teleportation wasn’t edited to accommodate her now letting the Stick fall. The specific use of “this” in “I can hold onto this” can give the impression that the Stick is in her possession like the original scene.
⦁ “Something called a Hush Corps Whispered the entire thing” (removed period from original version)
Chapter 11:
⦁ “Empathic Empire” instead of “Ardent Empire”.
Chapter 13:
⦁ “Empathic Empire” instead of “Ardent Empire”.
Chapter 14:
⦁ “Queen” instead of “Empress”.
⦁ “Empathic Empire” instead of “Ardent Empire”.
Chapter 15:
⦁ “Empathic Empire” instead of “Ardent Empire”.
⦁ “But it pretty huge nonetheless” (missing “was”)
⦁ “windows completely opaque windows”
Chapter 16:
⦁ “Empathic Empire” instead of “Ardent Empire”.
⦁ Robert’s research into each Spirit Guard’s first appearance in Ch. 5 (“I did some research . . . a ridiculous situation”) doesn’t match Angela’s accounts in Ch. 16 (“first time Kara . . . treatment there was”) and 29 (“What did Mallory . . . thought of the aura”). The discrepancy could remain if a Spirit Guard’s first battle is not necessarily their first sighting by the people, but currently this is not firmly established.
Chapter 17:
⦁ The stone for Robynne’s dorm’s keyed song is “You’re My Life” here, while Ch. 37 says “Crime in Progress”.
Chapter 18:
⦁ “Queen” instead of “Empress”.
Chapter 19:
⦁ “We’ll get skirts” suggests Robynne and co. haven’t yet found suitable skirts, despite earlier mentions of Vivian and Noriko having found some in the current store.
⦁ “Queen” instead of “Empress”.
⦁ Rob is said to have “graduated number seven” in his class here, while Ch. 25 says “Number four”.
Chapter 20:
⦁ “I am guy” (missing an “a”).
⦁ “Try as might” (missing an “I”)..
Chapter 21:
⦁ Only half of the “licence” mentions were changed to “license”.
Chapter 22:
⦁ Requires rewrites to accommodate the removal of Robynne wearing business suits from Ch. 19.
Chapter 23:
⦁ The bottom links are wrong: the back arrow points to Ch. 21, while the forward arrow points to Ch. 23.
⦁ The SFEERS opening social is said to be scheduled for that Friday here, but Ch. 31 onward maintain it being on Saturday.
Chapter 25:
⦁ The SFEERS opening social is said to be scheduled for that Friday here, but Ch. 31 onward maintain it being on Saturday.
⦁ Rob is said to have graduated “Number four in her class” here, while Ch. 19 says “number seven”.
Chapter 28:
⦁ “That like that sounded like grunt work” (unneeded “That like”).
⦁ “and pointedly pushed her chair back in” redundant with “Robynne pushed the chair back in” in the same paragraph.
Chapter 29:
⦁ One instance of “Cheer Club” was not changed to “Cheer Squad” or “Cheer Team” like the others.
⦁ “Empathic Empire” instead of “Ardent Empire”.
⦁ Robert’s research into each Spirit Guard’s first appearance in Ch. 5 (“I did some research . . . a ridiculous situation”) doesn’t match Angela’s accounts in Ch. 16 (“first time Kara . . . treatment there was”) and 29 (“What did Mallory . . . thought of the aura”). The discrepancy could remain if a Spirit Guard’s first battle is not necessarily their first sighting by the people, but currently this is not firmly established.
Chapter 32:
⦁ An instance of “lily” (the object) was changed to “lilly”.
Since you’ve edited Chapters 36-40 now, I decided to do the same text comparison I did above to see if I could catch new errors:
Chapter 37:
⦁ The stone for Robynne’s dorm’s keyed song is “Crime in Progress” here, while Ch. 17 says “You’re My Life”.
⦁ Robynne can poke her head through a Stone here, while Ch. 48 says one must go entirely through the portal to warp.
Chapter 38:
⦁ Dale wondering about Robert and the later conversation about him wasn’t changed to accommodate the package now being addressed to “Bluster”. Dale inexplicably knows Bluster’s identity and asks about Robert.
Chapter 40:
⦁ “Norirko”
⦁ “She should get a move on let the hacker do his job” (missing “and”)
Here’s an extra I missed from Chapter 14: Serenity’s transformation sequence here includes thigh high socks, which are not present at any other point in the story or in artwork.
The following chapters use URLs that don’t match the pattern you set for MGP chapter URLs, causing a Page Not Found error when linked to on the Stories page. The chapters’ current URLs are:
Chapter 50: https://taralynnsdesk.com/2170-2/
Chapter 51: https://taralynnsdesk.com/agical-girl-policy-chapter-51/
Chapter 54: https://taralynnsdesk.com/magical-girl-policy-chapter-53-2/
–
Here’s the issues I found when looking over Ch. 41-48’s changes, as well as additional ones from earlier chapters I forgot to list before.
Chapter 1:
⦁ Robert’s hair is chestnut brown here instead of the reddish brown from Ch. 17 onwards.
Chapter 6:
⦁ Cammy’s eyes are blue here instead of the purple from Ch. 28 onwards.
Chapter 28:
⦁ “Was she the aura you talked about yesterday?” (Angela actually talked about the aura two days ago)
Chapter 30:
⦁ Vivian addresses Robynne as “Red” a few times here, as does Mallory once. This nickname appears only in this chapter and is never commented on, so it seems to be an error. When not addressing Robynne by name, Vivian typically uses “Rosy” and Mallory “Ace”.
Chapter 37:
⦁ The stone for Robynne’s dorm is #3 here, while it’s #7 in Ch. 48 (which says Adamson’s View Golf Club is #3).
⦁ The stone for Angela’s apartment is given two different songs here: “Emotion Sickness” and “We’re Back and Bringin’ It”.
Chapter 42:
⦁ “piggyback off of her..” (two-period ellipsis)
Chapter 48:
⦁ “Spirit stick” (lack of capitalization)
⦁ The stone for Robynne’s dorm is #7 here, while it’s #3 in Ch. 37 (Ch. 48 says Adamson’s View Golf Club is #3).