The worst thing about moving the website is chasing down all these links. Yesterday and this morning I got the first 20 chapters of MGP relinked, images pointing to the new website, and did some minor editing. Well, maybe a LITTLE more than minor as I also am working to remove some dropped story threads, inconsistencies, and fix things like all the times I spelled Lilly like Lily… Still have 36 chapters to go on this but I’m pleased with the progress made…. ugh. Then I have to do this for all other stories…
This could take a while.
I don’t want to put storywriting on complete hold. I think what I’ll do is get all the links and minor editing done on MGP then write a chapter, then move on to another story and then rewrite the next issue of Villain-in-Distress.
Oh, one of the big changes is I’m removing the author’s commentary from the chapters. I’m going to be moving those to Patreon and make them done up in a manner that it more timeless. Too many of the commentaries reference recent events and I want to make it something that always makes sense. Also, some of them are a little lacking and I’ve been looking for an excuse to punch them up a bit.
If you wanted to reread MGP might I suggest going up to #20 and, if you find any issues, let me know via a comment. I’m especially looking for logical inconsistencies.
Thanks for your patience in this time of transition,
Taralynn
The links on the “Stories” page to chapters 11, 12, 16, and 18 are broken.
Also 29, 30, 38, 47, 48, 50, 51, 54
These chapters can be found at:
11 https://taralynnsdesk.com/magical-girl-policy-chapter-10-2/
12 https://taralynnsdesk.com/1124-2/
16 https://taralynnsdesk.com/1210-2/
18 https://taralynnsdesk.com/1268-2/
29 https://taralynnsdesk.com/1438-2/
30 https://taralynnsdesk.com/mgp30/
38 https://taralynnsdesk.com/1657-2/
47 https://taralynnsdesk.com/2041-2/
48 https://taralynnsdesk.com/2082-2/
50 https://taralynnsdesk.com/2170-2/
51 https://taralynnsdesk.com/agical-girl-policy-chapter-51/
54 https://taralynnsdesk.com/magical-girl-policy-chapter-53-2/
I really like this story, though more for the character development than the magical-girling. I’m re-reading it with my proofreader/copyeditor hat on and will post what I find here.
Continuity errors in chapters 1-10.
Both “Standridge Circle” and “Standridge Stones” are used, but this feels natural to me.
ch 1: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 2: Adamson U
ch 3: Schuyler University
ch 4: Schuyler University
ch 4: Adamson Schuyler University
ch 6: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 8: SAU
ch 3: Though most of the outer stones had fallen over (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 6: The stones became narrower at the top and leaned inward slightly. (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 6: vaguely lit by the light of a half-moon (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 8: in the complete darkness (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 9: the full moon’s glow (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 9: You two are to walk in front of me. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 9: She didn’t seem to doubt that they would both follow her as instructed. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
Now included in my August 24 comment on chapters 1-56.
Other errors in chapters 1-10.
Chapter 1:
“arcade on near” -> “arcade near the”
“surround campus” -> “surround the campus”
“the cold coming” -> “the cold was coming”
“talking to his side” — “to” -> “at”?
“breathes” -> “breaths”
“as if a pieces of” — delete “a”
“walking over the game” -> “walking over to the game”
“been completely justified,” — justified in what?
“He became all at once, aware” — either delete comma or add one after “became”
Chapter 2:
“understands how a computer works” — “understands” -> “understand”
Chapter 3:
“power chord” -> “power cord” (twice)
“There is some evidence that the shadow on the center stone could have cast some shadows on certain stones during equinoxes.” — doesn’t really make sense
“But I think there is a connection to the Spirit Guard and the the Stone Circle.” — “to” -> “between”
“dragged in but with” — delete “but”
Chapter 4:
“May I try one, as well or is it a female only thing?”
— move comma to after “well”, “female only” -> “female-only”
Chapter 5: nothing
Chapter 6:
“every other girls” — “girls” -> “girl”
“the think Jodi” — “think” -> “thing”
“Resting the cable on his shoulders” — “cable” -> “headphones”?
“plugged in the headphones to his phone” -> “plugged the headphones into his phone”?
“presentation. We just” — “We” -> “We’re”
Chapter 7:
“more powerful magic empire in the Empire” — delete “empire”
“it stared at something that was just a stone.” — “it” -> “he”?
Chapter 8:
“Some angel misfile” — “misfile” -> “misfiled”?
“I only got flashes” — “I” -> “I’ve”?
Chapter 9:
“When the video finally caught up, Spirit Guard Valor stood, was replaced by”
— insert “where” before “Spirit”, delete comma after “stood”, “replaced by” -> “instead”?
“mind,,” — delete one comma
“Elijah shook his head” — “Elijah” -> “Eli”?
Chapter 10:
“reacting irrationally thought” — “thought” -> “though”
“Kara glancing back at” — delete “at”
“We’re just going to head back to our apartment.” — “apartment” -> “dorm”
“caught it with her freehand” — “freehand” -> “free hand”
chapters 11, 12, 16, and 18 appear to be missing from the new website
using the versions of those pages from the old website
this includes the info already reported for chapters 1-10
Both “Standridge Circle” and “Standridge Stones” are used, but this feels natural to me.
ch 1: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 2: Adamson U
ch 3: Schuyler University
ch 4: Schuyler University
ch 4: Adamson Schuyler University
ch 6: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 8: SAU
ch 12: SAU
ch 18: SAU
ch 19: SAU
ch 20: SAU
ch 22: SAU
ch 2: My name is Vivian Feliz.
ch 18: I shall see you in the morning, Ms. Joy.” (ref Vivian)
ch 25: They are Kara Balmer and Vivian Joy
ch 2: with shimmering black hair (ref Vivian)
ch 16: with long black hair down to her knees (ref Vivian)
ch 18: the short brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 19: the little brunette’s antics (ref Vivian)
ch 2: Robert nodded. “Yeah, I’m from back South.
ch 22: You girls back east (ref Robynne)
ch 3: Though most of the outer stones had fallen over (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 6: The stones became narrower at the top and leaned inward slightly. (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 4: the bedrooms upstairs (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 16: Their apartment, though small, has two bedrooms. (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 20: Eli found only two doors. One was open and led to a tiny bathroom that barely had enough room to fit both a toilet and a shower. (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 6: Jodi (multiple times)
ch 23: Jody (multiple times)
ch 25: Jody (multiple times)
ch 6: Lilly (multiple times)
ch 23: Lily
ch 6: vaguely lit by the light of a half-moon (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 8: in the complete darkness (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 9: the full moon’s glow (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 9: You two are to walk in front of me. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 9: She didn’t seem to doubt that they would both follow her as instructed. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 10: No one else could touch it. (ref Robert’s Spirit Stick)
ch 13: pulled out both her and Mallory’s Spirit Sticks (this may be specific to Angela/Valor)
ch 15: The doors will be open. (ref the HushMobile)
ch 15: Eli heard the tell-tale click of the doors unlocking. (ref the HushMobile)
ch 16: Robynne gets her new name; she thinks that it’s spelled “Robin”
At this point nobody except Kunapipi and the Hush Corps should know it’s spelled Robynne
ch 17: “Robyn” or “Robynn” are used by several people, should be “Robin”.
ch 18: “Robyn” used many times by Vivian and once by Robynne. should be “Robin”.
ch 18: Noriko uses “Robynne” — she probably knows about that spelling at this point
ch 19: “Robynne grumbled” — she doesn’t yet know that spelling and it’s used only one of many times
ch 19: Noriko uses “Robynne” — she probably knows about that spelling at this point
ch 20: “Robyn” used, should be “Robin”
ch 21: Robynne learns how her name is actually spelled
The official spelling should probably always be used after this point.
ch 16: Hush Corps. (with period)
ch 18: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 21: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 20: grabbed a green sweatshirt (ref Mallory)
ch 20: pulled the sweater on (ref Mallory)
ch 25: began to intone Malice (ref the Scholar)
ch 25: stopped intoning Anger (ref the Scholar)
Now included in my August 24 comment on chapters 1-56.
other errors in chapters 11-25 (plus one more for chapter 8)
Chapter 8:
“you can’t connect your name to your face?” — “you” -> “people”?
Chapter 11: page not found on new website; using version from old website; nothing found
Chapter 12: page not found on new website; using version from old website
“I wonder that myself” — insert “about” before “that”
“because their wasn’t” — “their” -> “there”
“keep it open air” — “open air” -> “open-air”
“was a pig pen” -> “was a pigpen”?
“tabletop or comic stuffs” — “stuffs” -> “stuff”?
” to let you borrow yours” — “you” -> “her”
Chapter 13:
“second guess” -> “second-guess”
“She hadn’t notice Robert glancing” — “notice” -> “noticed”
Chapter 14:
“make a lick sense” -> “make a lick of sense”
“power crash against” — “crash” -> “crashed”
“stressing an urgence” — “urgence” -> “urgency”?
“thrusted his legs” — “thrusted” -> “thrust”
“power fit hit feet” — “hit” -> “his”
“her much posterior” — delete “much”?
“Tenacity tried to breath.” — “breath” -> “breathe”
“Serenity nor her daggers looked wet” — insert “neither” before “Serenity”
“rookie defeat a monster” — “defeat” -> “defeated”
“dried up field smell” — “field” -> “fetid”?
“sense giving her” — insert “was” before “giving”
“Day LaMode’s the arm that” — delete “the”
“Day LaMode’s other limb”– “limb” -> “arm”?
Chapter 15:
“He had to focus getting out” — insert “on” after “focus”
“could do is cry” — “is” -> “was”
“could do is run” — “is” -> “was”
“semi trucks” -> “semi-trucks”
“checked between each one” — “between” -> “behind”?
“while we do have our while the Disconnection Effect” -> “while the Disconnection Effect”
“Rob had screamed like a doctor reset” — insert “a girl when” after “like”?
“hole in the ozone itself” — insert “by” before “itself”
Chapter 16: page not found on new website; using version from old website
“Besides, probably would just get in the way” — insert “I” before “probably”
“Which one you want?” — insert “do” before “you”
“doubt girl-Rob doesn’t currently own” — delete “doesn’t”, “own” -> “owns”?
“decorative stone Mallory” — insert “in” before “Mallory”
“described the feeling her Spirit Stick” — delete “the”
“still a the same,” — delete “a”, delete comma
Chapter 17:
“cure Eli his guilt” — insert “of” after “Eli”
“better and controlling ” — “and” -> “at”
“Spirit Guard might have died” — insert “Tenacity” after “Guard”?
“Eli wretched” -> “Eli retched”?
“generated towards” -> “gravitated towards”?
Chapter 18: page not found on new website; using version from old website
“Robyn” -> “Robin” (several times)
“there in family” — insert “your” before “family”?
“charming drawal” — “drawal” -> “drawl”
“really bad at being a men’s club” — “at” -> “about”?
Chapter 19: nothing
Chapter 20:
“Robyn” -> “Robin” (several times)
“got my but kicked” — “but” -> “butt”
“As she peaked over the covers Eli could see” — this doesn’t exactly make sense
“pointed to a small, cabinet”| — delete comma
“full blow scream” — “blow” -> “blown”
“parents, put Eli” — delete comma
“almost greenish-blue” — “greenish-blue” -> “greenish blue”?
Chapter 21:
“a flash grenade”, next sentence “flash grenades”
“I doubt very little to be quote-unquote stupid.” — “little” -> “much”?
Chapter 22:
“wrench maudlin thoughts” — “wrench” -> “wring”?
“her midriff born” — “born” -> “bare”
“the stimuli, a cheerleader” — “stimuli” -> “stimulus”
“curios choices” — “curios” -> “curious”
Chapter 23:
“PvP, battleground” — delete comma?
“On an extremely rare occasions.” — either delete “an” or “occasions” -> “occasion”
Chapter 24:
“thought she was no longer hugging Mallory” — “thought” -> “though”
Chapter 25:
“Give me enough time to scan it I’m able” — either “Give me” -> “Given” or insert “and” after “it”
Wanted to just thank you for all these suggested edits. Some I took, others are intentional. People don’t always talk in correct English.
One that I wanted to point out is Robin/Robyn/Robynne. Everyone has the name spelled the way they THINK it should be spelled. It’s a way I am playing with the medium a little.
You’re very welcome. Glad I could help.
You’re the author — it’s up to you to decide what needs fixing and how it should be fixed. IMO my job is just to point out things that might need fixing so you don’t have to waste time hunting for them.
And thanks again for what, despite any minor flaws, is a great story.
Possible continuity errors in chapters 1-40
This includes all previously-reported possible continuity errors.
Both “Standridge Circle” and “Standridge Stones” are used, but this feels natural to me.
ch 1: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 2: Adamson U
ch 3: Schuyler University
ch 4: Schuyler University (multiple times)
ch 4: Adamson Schuyler University
ch 6: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 8: SAU (twice)
ch 12: SAU (twice)
ch 18: SAU
ch 19: SAU
ch 20: SAU
ch 22: SAU (twice)
ch 28: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 28: SAU
ch 29: SAU (multiple times)
ch 30: SAU
ch 31: SAU (twice)
ch 2: My name is Vivian Feliz.
ch 18: I shall see you in the morning, Ms. Joy.” (ref Vivian)
ch 25: They are Kara Balmer and Vivian Joy
ch 31: My roommate, Vivian Joy.
ch 2: with shimmering black hair (ref Vivian)
ch 16: with long black hair down to her knees (ref Vivian)
ch 18: the tiny brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 18: the short brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 19: the little brunette’s antics (ref Vivian)
ch 29: Vivian has black hair
ch 30: The short brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 30: The girls long, luscious strands of black hair (ref Vivian)
ch 31: her impressively long ebony locks (ref Vivian)
ch 31: find out anything you can about that brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 31: That brunette you saw with me (ref Vivian)
ch 2: Robert nodded. “Yeah, I’m from back South.
ch 22: You girls back east (ref Robynne)
ch 3: Though most of the outer stones had fallen over (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 6: The stones became narrower at the top and leaned inward slightly. (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 4: the bedrooms upstairs (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 16: Their apartment, though small, has two bedrooms. (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 20: Eli found only two doors. One was open and led to a tiny bathroom that barely had enough room to fit both a toilet and a shower. (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 6: Jodi (multiple times)
ch 23: Jody (multiple times)
ch 25: Jody (multiple times)
ch 30: Jody
ch 31: Jodi (multiple times)
ch 31: Jody
ch 6: Lilly (multiple times)
ch 23: Lily
ch 32: Lily
ch 6: Skateboarding Club fiasco (ref Angela)
ch 30: the Sock Hop Society’s paperwork mishap (ref Angela; several mentions)
ch 6: vaguely lit by the light of a half-moon (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 8: in the complete darkness (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 9: the full moon’s glow (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 6: Cheer Squad
ch 6: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 18: Cheer Squad
ch 18: Cheer Team
ch 23: Cheer Squad
ch 28: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 28: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 29: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 29: Cheer Club (four times)
ch 29: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 30: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 30: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 31: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 31: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 31: Cheer team?
ch 32: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 33: Cheer Squad
ch 36: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 36: Cheer Squad
ch 37: Cheer Team
ch 37: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 38: Cheer Squad
ch 7: Student Council
ch 17: SAUSA
ch 19: Student Association (three times)
ch 22: Student Association
ch 23: Student Association
ch 25: SAUSA (twice)
ch 28: Student Council (several times)
ch 29: Student Association
ch 29: Student Council
ch 29: SAUSA (five times)
ch 30: Student Association (several times)
ch 30: Student Administration (twice)
ch 31: SAUSA
ch 31: SAU Student Association
ch 31: Student Association (multiple times)
ch 32: Student Association
ch 36: SAUSA (three times)
ch 9: You two are to walk in front of me. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 9: She didn’t seem to doubt that they would both follow her as instructed. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 10: Hush Corps (without period) (thrice)
ch 15: Hush Corps (without period) (four times)
ch 16: Hush Corps. (with period) (thrice)
ch 16: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 18: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 19: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 20: Hush Corps (without period) (twice)
ch 21: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 30: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 32: Hush Corps (without period) (twice)
ch 37: Hush Corps. (with period)
ch 40: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 10: No one else could touch it. (ref Robert’s Spirit Stick)
ch 13: pulled out both her and Mallory’s Spirit Sticks (this may be specific to Angela/Valor)
ch 29: gave her the Spirit Stick of Tenacity (ref Angela)
ch 12: Rale Valley Mall
ch 20: Rale Valley Mall
ch 28: Raile Valley Mall
ch 15: The doors will be open. (ref the HushMobile)
ch 15: Eli heard the tell-tale click of the doors unlocking. (ref the HushMobile)
ch 16: Robynne gets her new name; she thinks that it’s spelled “Robin”
At this point nobody except Kunapipi and the Hush Corps should know it’s spelled Robynne
ch 17: “Robyn” or “Robynn” are used by several people, should be “Robin”.
ch 18: “Robyn” used many times by Vivian and once by Robynne. should be “Robin”.
ch 18: Noriko uses “Robynne” — she probably knows about that spelling at this point
ch 19: “Robynne grumbled” — she doesn’t yet know that spelling and it’s used only one of many times
ch 19: Noriko uses “Robynne” — she probably knows about that spelling at this point
ch 20: “Robyn” used, should be “Robin”
ch 21: Robynne learns how her name is actually spelled
The official spelling should probably always be used after this point.
ch 20: grabbed a green sweatshirt (ref Mallory)
ch 20: pulled the sweater on (ref Mallory)
ch 22: I’m Stacy Ambrose.
ch 27: Stacy… something. Don’t know. Never got her full name.
ch 29: Stacy… uh… I actually forget her last name.
ch 25: a tiny woman with a round face (ref the Scholar; doesn’t match Vivian?)
ch 25: began to intone Malice (ref the Scholar)
ch 25: stopped intoning Anger (ref the Scholar)
ch 27: I have classes from noon to two. (ref Robynne)
ch 28: Robynne didn’t have class (at end of 11am lunch)
ch 29: She got a guy to write two papers for one of my English classes for me. (ref Angela)
ch 29: two papers that the tutor had written for me (ref Angela)
ch 29: that I got that boy to write those papers for me (ref Angela)
ch 29: She was surprised to not only find Kara’s aura, but the fruity, flowery scent of Vivian’s aura too.
ch 29: When had Vivian arrived? (Robynne had already noticed her presence, see above)
ch 31: from what I saw (Jodi, who did not see the meeting between Cammy and Robynne)
ch 31: Computer parts to be delivered to “Bluster”
ch 38: Computer parts are delivered to “Robert Dreese”
ch 39: Computer parts were delivered to “Bluster”
ch 34: Stacy squinted at the cards splayed out on the table (watching Cory playing Invokers)
ch 36: She was off with that Cory guy watching him play with some cards I don’t recognize. (Stacy speaking)
ch 37: After Vivian’s awakening, Mallory and Angela would pop over so frequently they practically treated one another like they were all sharing the same dorm. (Kara and Vivian are freshmen — they wouldn’t have been in the dorm until the start of the semester.)
ch 39: Robynne stopped. “Bugs? Noriko, she’s a cheerleader, not a Russian spy.”
ch 40: Robynne blinked. “I’m sorry_ bugs? (she already knows about this)
Now included in my August 24 comment on chapters 1-56.
Other possible errors in chapters 26-40
Plus two more possible errors in chapters 3 and 9.
Chapter 3:
” so do the mosnters” — “mosnters” -> “monsters”
Chapter 9:
“that Vivi being” — “Vivi” -> “Vivian”?
Chapter 26:
“After the entrance like the one” — “the” -> “an”
“the family. ” Robynne” — delete space after period
“I though none of our parents knew?” — “though”-> “thought”
“She had only been here twice before” — delete “only”?
“Robynne wondered “Sweet!” — this doesn’t make sense
Chapter 27:
“Robynne felt like that if she honed” — delete “like”?
“I got to get to class.” — “I” -> “I’ve”?
“bench he had been on” — insert “where” before “he”
“relatively alone to her thoughts.” — “to” -> “with”?
“off the vine.”A small one.” — insert space before “A”
“stay out of Cammy’s sights” — “sights” -> “sight”?
Chapter 28:
“that’ how Vivian” — “that'” -> “that’s”
“Cammy wouldn’tdo” — insert space before “do”
“keep hocking her sales pitch” — “hocking” -> “hawking”
Chapter 29:
“oscillated currents” — “oscillated” -> “oscillating”
“Robynne felt that something was here.” — “here” -> “there”
” fished for a soda out of the fridge” — delete “for”?
“did her best to try and not make her feel bad” — “and” -> “to”?
“setting up her prized minions up with” — delete one of the two “up”
“buy cheerleader’s gifts?” — delete apostrophe
“ten dollar due” — “due” -> “dues”?
“that Angela would have, given her personality, that she would tackle” — delete “would have” and “that she”
Chapter 30:
“Vivian wretched at the term” — “wretched” -> “retched”
“touched the Standridge Stone” — “Stone” -> “Stones”
“somewhere at four-hundred texts a day” — “at” -> “about”?
“aura, She started” — “She” -> “if she”
“involves all of campus” — insert “the” after “of”?
“The girls long, luscious strands of black hair” — “girls” -> “girl’s”
Chapter 31:
“else we supposed to go about this” — insert “are” after “else”
“lips.”And” — insert space before “And”
“after what happen to Omicron Chi last year.” — “happen” -> “happened”
“but even still” — “still” -> “so”?
” round the corner outside the Club Administration office” — delete (redundant with previous sentence)
“words, “Just let me handle it,” a couple” — delete both commas?
“You know how expensive those dresses cost?” — either “expensive” -> “much” or (better) “cost” -> “are”
“around SFEERS Club Charter” — either insert “the” after “around” or “SFEERS” -> “SFEERS'”
“That lead me to” — “lead” -> “led”
“hocking something,” — “hocking” -> “hawking”
“is who gave me this dress is” — delete one of the two “is”
“and seem to want me to” — “seem” -> “seems”
“judging the expense” — insert “by” before “the”
“say, ‘yes,’ do this” — “do” -> “to”
“Might as well made sure” — “made” -> “make”
“On a more realistic level” — “realistic” doesn’t really seem like the right word here
“so they and deliver it” — “and” -> “can”
“I don’t meant to take out high school experiences” — “meant” -> “mean”
Chapter 32:
“they already got red and yellow covered” — “they” -> “they’ve”
Chapter 33:
“held her together.” — held what? insert something suitable after “her”
“the only female friend you got who” — “you” -> “you’ve”
“fairy tale-ish as motivations as they come.” — add dash between “fairy” and “tale”, delete “as they”
“freak out a bit and get a tad bit” — delete second “bit”
Chapter 34:
“fake gamer girl profile for me in my head.” — “my head” -> “their heads”
“with the girls at first.” — replace period with question mark
Chapter 35:
“They guys would typically give Robynne a quick scan” — “They” -> “The”
Chapter 36:
“at that though seemed to gloss over” — insert “he” before “seemed”
“On the Promotio Squad?” — “Promotio” -> “Promotion”
Chapter 37:
“looking at the stone. You specifically used them” — either “stone” -> “stones” or “them” -> “it”
“After she found them she rapped” — “them” -> “it”
“connective tissues to lose grip” — insert “their” before “grip”?
“walking through the portal” — “the” -> “a”
“I too have have brief” — “have have” -> “have had”
“kind of havegot to consider” — “havegot” -> “have got”
“her and Angela had a lot in common” — “her” -> “she”
Chapter 38:
“woken before he wanted to” — delete “to”
“cracked his eye open” — “eye” -> “eyes”?
“Even if someone came over” — “came over” -> “noticed”?
“why would watch something” — insert “anyone” after “why”
“chances going in the future” — delete “going”
“queen bitch of campus” — insert “the” after “of”
“Had Cammy sent a spy? There was no way this could be happening.” — insert “other” before “way”?
the spy is named “Pari” three times and “Pira” once
“He gets a few scars” — “He” -> “If he”
“messing with you sister’s Sunday morning” — “you” -> “your”
Chapter 39:
“walking Cory and Eli by swordpoint” — “by” -> “at”
“Kara giggled as she followed Robynne… If Kara’s right” — “Kara’s” -> “Vivian’s”?
“I as making bad jokes” — “as” -> “was”
Chapter 40:
“keep the assorted straight” — insert “components” after “the”
“His jaw was clenched tight as she shut the door” — “she” -> “he”
“Robynne was glad to see help improve Will’s mood.” — delete “see”
Possible continuity errors for chapters 1-56.
All previously-noted errors are included here.
Both “Standridge Circle” and “Standridge Stones” are used, but this feels natural to me.
ch 1: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 2: Adamson U
ch 3: Schuyler University
ch 4: Schuyler University (multiple times)
ch 4: Adamson Schuyler University
ch 6: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 8: SAU (twice)
ch 12: SAU (twice)
ch 18: SAU
ch 19: SAU
ch 20: SAU
ch 22: SAU (twice)
ch 28: Schuyler Adamson University
ch 28: SAU
ch 29: SAU (multiple times)
ch 30: SAU
ch 31: SAU (twice)
ch 41: SAU (twice)
ch 49: SAU
ch 54: SAU
ch 2: My name is Vivian Feliz.
ch 18: I shall see you in the morning, Ms. Joy.” (ref Vivian)
ch 25: They are Kara Balmer and Vivian Joy
ch 31: My roommate, Vivian Joy.
ch 2: with shimmering black hair (ref Vivian)
ch 16: with long black hair down to her knees (ref Vivian)
ch 18: the tiny brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 18: the short brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 19: the little brunette’s antics (ref Vivian)
ch 29: Vivian has black hair
ch 30: The short brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 30: The girls long, luscious strands of black hair (ref Vivian)
ch 31: her impressively long ebony locks (ref Vivian)
ch 31: find out anything you can about that brunette (ref Vivian)
ch 31: That brunette you saw with me (ref Vivian)
ch 2: Robert nodded. “Yeah, I’m from back South.
ch 22: You girls back east (ref Robynne)
ch 41: you’re from back east (ref Robynne)
ch 3: Though most of the outer stones had fallen over (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 6: The stones became narrower at the top and leaned inward slightly. (ref Standridge Circle)
ch 4: the bedrooms upstairs (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 16: Their apartment, though small, has two bedrooms. (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 20: Eli found only two doors. One was open and led to a tiny bathroom that barely had enough room to fit both a toilet and a shower. (ref Mallory’s apartment)
ch 6: Jodi (multiple times)
ch 23: Jody (multiple times)
ch 25: Jody (multiple times)
ch 30: Jody
ch 31: Jodi (multiple times)
ch 31: Jody
ch 41: Jodi
ch 51: Jodi (twice)
ch 6: Lilly (multiple times)
ch 23: Lily
ch 32: Lily
ch 41: Lily (multiple times)
ch 42: Lily
ch 51: Lilly (multiple times)
ch 52: Lilly (multiple times)
ch 53: Lilly (multiple times)
ch 56: Lilly (twice)
ch 6: Skateboarding Club fiasco (ref Angela)
ch 30: the Sock Hop Society’s paperwork mishap (ref Angela; several mentions)
ch 6: vaguely lit by the light of a half-moon (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 8: in the complete darkness (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 9: the full moon’s glow (ref meeting at the Standridge Circle)
ch 6: Cheer Squad
ch 6: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 18: Cheer Squad
ch 18: Cheer Team
ch 23: Cheer Squad
ch 28: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 28: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 29: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 29: Cheer Club (four times)
ch 29: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 30: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 30: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 31: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 31: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 31: Cheer team?
ch 32: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 33: Cheer Squad
ch 36: Cheer Team (multiple times)
ch 36: Cheer Squad
ch 37: Cheer Team
ch 37: Cheer Squad (multiple times)
ch 38: Cheer Squad
ch 51: Cheer Mafia
ch 7: Student Council
ch 17: SAUSA
ch 19: Student Association (three times)
ch 22: Student Association
ch 23: Student Association
ch 25: SAUSA (twice)
ch 28: Student Council (several times)
ch 29: Student Association
ch 29: Student Council
ch 29: SAUSA (five times)
ch 30: Student Association (several times)
ch 30: Student Administration (twice)
ch 31: SAUSA
ch 31: SAU Student Association
ch 31: Student Association (multiple times)
ch 32: Student Association
ch 36: SAUSA (three times)
ch 9: You two are to walk in front of me. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 9: She didn’t seem to doubt that they would both follow her as instructed. (ref Noriko/Eli/Cory)
ch 10: Hush Corps (without period) (thrice)
ch 15: Hush Corps (without period) (four times)
ch 16: Hush Corps. (with period) (thrice)
ch 16: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 18: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 19: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 20: Hush Corps (without period) (twice)
ch 21: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 30: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 32: Hush Corps (without period) (twice)
ch 37: Hush Corps. (with period)
ch 40: Hush Corps (without period)
ch 10: No one else could touch it. (ref Robert’s Spirit Stick)
ch 13: pulled out both her and Mallory’s Spirit Sticks (this may be specific to Angela/Valor)
ch 29: gave her the Spirit Stick of Tenacity (ref Angela)
ch 12: Rale Valley Mall
ch 20: Rale Valley Mall
ch 28: Raile Valley Mall
ch 12: I had to drive to the next town over whenever I wanted to get the latest issue of Collider. (ref Deepwater comic store)
ch 35: the comic book shop outside of Deepwater
ch 56: We actually have a supermarket, restaurants, and a comic book store (Robynne, ref Deepwater)
ch 12: Deepwater only has a little over ten-thousand people in it
ch 56: Deepwater had a little over sixteen-thousand people.
ch 15: The doors will be open. (ref the HushMobile)
ch 15: Eli heard the tell-tale click of the doors unlocking. (ref the HushMobile)
ch 16: Robynne gets her new name; she thinks that it’s spelled “Robin”
At this point nobody except Kunapipi and the Hush Corps should know it’s spelled Robynne
ch 17: “Robyn” or “Robynn” are used by several people, should be “Robin”.
ch 18: “Robyn” used many times by Vivian and once by Robynne. should be “Robin”.
ch 18: Noriko uses “Robynne” — she probably knows about that spelling at this point
ch 19: “Robynne grumbled” — she doesn’t yet know that spelling and it’s used only one of many times
ch 19: Noriko uses “Robynne” — she probably knows about that spelling at this point
ch 20: “Robyn” used, should be “Robin”
ch 21: Robynne learns how her name is actually spelled
The official spelling should probably always be used after this point.
ch 20: grabbed a green sweatshirt (ref Mallory)
ch 20: pulled the sweater on (ref Mallory)
ch 22: I’m Stacy Ambrose.
ch 27: Stacy… something. Don’t know. Never got her full name.
ch 29: Stacy… uh… I actually forget her last name.
ch 25: “He’s not being put forth for Vice-Archon of Tranquility, my friend. He is the Archon of Tranquility.
ch 25: a tiny woman with a round face (ref the Scholar; doesn’t match Vivian?)
ch 25: began to intone Malice (ref the Scholar)
ch 25: stopped intoning Anger (ref the Scholar)
ch 27: I have classes from noon to two. (ref Robynne)
ch 28: Robynne didn’t have class (at end of 11am lunch)
ch 29: She got a guy to write two papers for one of my English classes for me. (ref Angela)
ch 29: two papers that the tutor had written for me (ref Angela)
ch 29: that I got that boy to write those papers for me (ref Angela)
ch 29: She was surprised to not only find Kara’s aura, but the fruity, flowery scent of Vivian’s aura too.
ch 29: When had Vivian arrived? (Robynne had already noticed her presence, see above)
ch 31: from what I saw (Jodi, who did not see the lunch meeting between Cammy and Robynne)
ch 31: I could swing it such that Stacy and Vivian are usually your partners. (Cammy)
ch 53: Robynne and are normally partners. (Lilly)
ch 31: Computer parts to be delivered to “Bluster”
ch 38: Computer parts are delivered to “Robert Dreese”
ch 39: Computer parts were delivered to “Bluster”
ch 34: [Stacy meets Cory & Eli at the SFEERS social]
ch 42: and whoooo are these boyyyys you’re with? (Stacy, ref Cory & Eli — who she’s already met)
ch 55: the boy Vivian’s dating and_ I want to say Eli? (Stacy, ref Cory & Eli)
ch 34: Stacy squinted at the cards splayed out on the table (watching Cory playing Invokers)
ch 36: She was off with that Cory guy watching him play with some cards I don’t recognize. (Stacy speaking)
ch 37: After Vivian’s awakening, Mallory and Angela would pop over so frequently they practically treated one another like they were all sharing the same dorm. (Kara and Vivian are freshmen — they wouldn’t have been in the dorm until the start of the semester.)
ch 37: It was so disorienting to have her head in the clearing of the Standridge Circle and her body still in her dorm.
ch 48: from what she could tell, the way the actual portals worked was you didn’t come out the other side until you were completely through the portal.
ch 38: my name is Pari (spying on the delivery)
ch 41: Sanvi spying on the electronics delivery
ch 42: Cammy, Stacy, Jodi, Sanvi, now Lily.
ch 39: Robynne stopped. “Bugs? Noriko, she’s a cheerleader, not a Russian spy.”
ch 40: Robynne blinked. “I’m sorry_ bugs? (she already knows about this; see above)
ch 41: It wasn’t three weeks ago that Lily had been huffing at Robert for accidentally kicking a rock at her.
ch 41: She had been living with other girls for about a month now (ref Robynne)
ch 43: the odd extra-dimensional space that Vivian had given the names of Starry-Elemental-Musical-Vortex-Bubble-Land or, more laconically, the Transformation Station.
ch 47: Felicity calls it the Spirit Stick Psychodelic Studio.
ch 43: Robynne had practiced the transformation several dozen times now.
ch 49: even though you haven’t been powered up but two times now (ref Robynne)
ch 47: Serenty could hear, not see in a text bubble, but hear Cell-celia growl
ch 47: The monster was still talking in text bubbles.
Possible other errors in chapters 41-56.
Chapter 41:
“the Robertson’s Bakery over on” — delete “the”?
“How could they have an entire museum this far off campus and have not heard of it?” — “have not”-> “I had not”?
“I actually saw Avarice on Ice” — italicize “Avarice on Ice”?
“Robynne couldn’t seen Angela doing it.” — “seen” -> “see”
“Mechanical Engineer major” — “Engineer” -> “Engineering”?
“Lily through her hands up” — “through” -> “threw”
“How they honey they get” — “they honey” -> “the honey did”
“”Well, there’s that rumor going around about you and the lead singer of Free Unsecured Network going around.” — either delete the second “going around” or change it to some other phrase? the duplication reads poorly
Chapter 42:
“incase you were worried” — “incase” -> “in case”
“girls’ tshirts?” — “tshirts” -> “T-shirts”?
Chapter 43:
“previous two monster” — “monster” -> “monsters”
“Actually, I think we can” — append “tell”
“spent in Transformation Station,” — insert “the” after “in”?
“when they remembered came with them to Transformation Station.” — insert “what” before “came”? insert “the” after “to”?
“was a rush unlike anything she doubted she’d feel any other way.” — “doubted” -> “expected”?
Chapter 44: nothing
Chapter 45:
“Add to the Cell-celia’s Serenity-like” — delete “the”
Chapter 46:
“which, until backup came,” — “which” -> “and”
“as fresh as she had begun the fight.” — insert “when” before “she”
“Cell-celia’s attack connect” — “connect” -> “connected”
“taking directly past Valor” — insert “her” after “taking”
“surgering the power into her left leg.” — “surgering” -> “shifting”?
Chapter 47:
“empathokinetic valor as easily one would a knife into peanut butter” — “one would” -> “as one would press”?
“merchandise scattered waves of an ocean” — insert “like” before “scattered”?
“donut engineer major” — “engineer” -> “engineering”?
Chapter 48:
“and a trail of law enforcement” — insert “with” after “and”
“But Then there” — “Then” -> “then”
“She bounced into the backyard” — “the” -> “a”?
“She could feel she a Stone nearby_ish.” — delete second “she”
“She leapt down to the trees that lined” — lined what? insert “the stream” after “lined”?
“may have double backed.” — “double backed” -> “doubled back”
“I guess that training is coming in handy.” — italicize “is”?
Chapter 49:
“Your little chase you put on with the cops” — “Your” -> “The”?
“she couldn’t dare bring herself” — “couldn’t” -> “didn’t”? or (better) delete “dare”?
Chapter 50:
“Angela had hid a lot of of her history with Cammy” — “hid” -> “hidden”
“Robynne did too.” — this implies Robynne has a hidden history with Cammy, which isn’t true. You should be more clear about what it is that she’s hiding.
“How in the honey” — delete “in”
Chapter 51:
“may have lead to some bad habits.” — “lead” -> “led”
“easy for to think such things” — insert “her” after “for”
“You don’t insult someone then expect you to do them a favor.” — “you to do them” -> “them to do you”
“what Cammy’s aura mean” — “mean” -> “means”
” through, what she knew, would be” — delete both commas
“wouldn’t see her gearing up for combat” — insert “as” after “her”
Chapter 52:
“over 25,0000 people every single day.” — “25,0000” -> “25,000”
” the brush proven useful.” — insert “had” after “brush”
Chapter 53:
“Robynne and are normally partners” — insert “I” before “are”
Chapter 54:
“chuckled.”S-F-E-E-R-S. ” — insert a space after the first period
“Living and being around cheerleaders” — not sure what “Living” is meant to mean here
“not even in a ‘I’m a nice guy’ kind of way” — “a” -> “an”
“someone who was into cheerleaders” — insert “not” before “into”
Chapter 55: nothing
Chapter 56:
“Vivian spun with a flare.” — “flare” -> “flair”?
“yanked0 0000Vivian” — delete “0” and “0000”